


What More Can I Say?

by thescarletwoman



Category: Iron Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, The Incredible Hulk - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, M/M, So much angst, Sorry Not Sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-26
Updated: 2014-05-26
Packaged: 2018-01-26 15:06:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,145
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1692713
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thescarletwoman/pseuds/thescarletwoman
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He never wanted to fall in love. Falling in love would inevitably lead to loss.</p><p>But some men are worth the risk.</p><p>Some men are Tony Stark.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What More Can I Say?

It still hasn't hit me. 

I don't know if it ever will. 

If I have my way, it never will.

Some time ago the realization hit that I would outlive my friends. That I would outlive lovers (should I ever decide to take one). That I would watch the seasons change for time and time and time again until the day when this damn transformation of mine would eventually rip my body into a thousand pieces. It could happen, I suppose. I don't know if it will though.

Now I pray it will, but I don't have that kind of luck.

I suppose it's why I've started talking a bit more to Logan. He's prickly, sure, until you get a couple of beers in him. He's not one to talk about feelings, I'll be the first to admit I need to drag these things out of him. But he, more than anyone, understands. Sure -- I suppose the gods I know would be a decent source of information on what it's like to outlive people. But at the same time... they're gods. They have a very different outlook on life than someone who was raised a mere mortal and wound up having extraordinary powers.

Though I'm not sure I'd call the Other Guy an 'extraordinary power'.

But I digress.

This isn't about me. It's about him. Or he and I, really. But mostly about him. 

The one who broke down every single one of my walls I built to protect myself.

I never wanted a relationship. Sex I could do without, but I've always been like that I suppose. Growing up when I did, and knowing I had the inclinations that I did -- things were so different back then. You just didn't talk about it. You did it in darkened alleys or under the cover of night. A quick fuck and parting, making sure it didn't get out that you were queer.

Time certainly have changed, haven't they?

And then there's him. The one who comes in when you least expect it. The one who slips under your defenses. The one who just... who just /is/.

Is everything you never knew you wanted.

I fell and I fell hard. I won't even pretend to deny it. I fell for him and there wasn't a thing I could do to stop it.

And he knew.

And he used it to his advantage.

I see why he had the reputation he did. To have that all encompassing attention on you for any length of time -- it's like burning brighter than the sun. It engulfs you and swallows you whole. You're happy to be in it for whatever length of time he chooses to fix his gaze on you. Even if it's for one night, it's a night you'll never forget.

I would have taken a night.

Hell, I'd have even taken an hour.

It started out as a quick grope. Then he kissed me and I was lost. A kiss turned into a date. A date turned into three. Nights turned into days into weeks into months...

So many people wanted to get him. The world's most eligible bachelor the tabloids called him for years. No one could understand how the meek physics professor had caught the eye of the billionaire. Many tried to break us up; to catch his eye. To get him to stray. 

To get that one hour with him.

No one succeeded.

Where others failed, I am the one person who wound up with twenty years.

I am the person he decided to turn monogamous for. 

Yes.

Me.

Monogamous.

That's the thing with men like him. If you put rules on them, they will always rebel. They'll break out of whatever cage you try to put them in. When there are constraints, they will do whatever they can to escape. To assert their independence and that's when you lose them. But, if you give them whatever freedom they think they want, they'll never stretch their wings and fly away from you. Just knowing that freedom is right around the corner is enough for them. They don't feel penned in and they become yours for a lifetime.

I should know.

He was the one who proposed to me.

I didn't say yes.

He asked again.

And again.

After six months, I finally agreed. 

It was a decision I never regretted.

Hell, he was the one who came up with the polymer that could stretch with my body when I transformed -- so that I would always wear his ring. 

Really, of the two of us, he was the romantic. You may not believe it, but it's true. He was the one who, every day I knew him, swept me off my feet.

I never loved anyone like him.

Toward the end, he became more machine than man. I suppose I expected it, knowing who he was deep down. A man can't drink that much for so many years without doing irreparable damage to his organs. So what does he do? Figure out a way to synthesize a liver from cells and machinery. Bit by bit, as something wore out, he'd replace it. 

Thank god his eyes never went. They were always my favorite part of him.

Once an engineer, always an engineer. I swore I would leave him if he turned into the Terminator -- but I never had the chance. Death got in the way. 

A battle or three resulted in loss of limb -- so we worked together to make a new one. I did whatever I had to in order to keep him ticking. To keep him around.

To keep him near.

To keep him with me.

I never loved anyone like him.

And I never will again.

To watch age creep into him year after year was like watching him waste away before my eyes. The passage of time. The cruel mistress that, no matter how we wish to stop the sands, she still keeps pace. A funeral march none of us can escape. 

The thread will unravel for all of us in the end.

Maybe even for me. And when it does -- if there's any justice in this world, I'll see him once again. I'll get the years that were robbed from us. I'll know him when we're young -- and be able to grow old with him.

This pain, the feeling of absolute loss is one I'll never shake. Now, now I remember why I was determined not to fall in love with him. Why I wanted to keep my distance. Why I never wanted to fall in love.

...but I was powerless to escape from the orbit of one Tony Stark.

As I watch his coffin being lowered into the ground, it feels as if I've joined him in that hollow bit of earth. 

As they bury my heart in the ground.

**Author's Note:**

> After watching the HBO viewing of The Normal Heart, there were a lot of feels. It hit close to home with my headcanons for Bruce -- that he is essentially immortal thanks to the Hulk. So what would happen if he were to lose the most important man in his life?
> 
> If you haven't seen the film yet, please do yourself a favor and see it. 
> 
> Also bring a box of tissues. You'll need them.
> 
> [Title taken from the 1990 musical 'Falsettoland']


End file.
